In Case You Wanted Something Random
So it turns out that I'm suffering from a bad case of writer's block. I've been searching around my brains and the internet all morning and I haven't been able to muster even what could be considered a minimally acceptable degree of inspiration. However, since I have to keep up with my commitment of updating this blog on a somewhat regular basis, here is what I'm going to do:First, I'll look in the website with Chesterton's works on the web and find out what is the fifth word in the, let's say, eighteenth line of Manalive...
Abruptly.
Then, I will go to Google and after doing a search for this word, I will go to the seventh link that appears...
http://www.siliconvalley.com/mld/mercurynews/business/6547524.htm (an article about a mortgage lender that shut down).
Following this, I will start counting links from top to bottom until I reach the tenth, and when I do, I will click on it. Finally, by the mysterious powers of the Internet, this link will open like an uncharted passageway to an unknown dimension, and I, the blocked yet heroic "writer," will daringly follow were it leads. My purpose: to write a masterful opinion piece about whatever this mystifying location in cyberspace may contain.
And the winner is... (drumroll)... CARS!!! A page for buying and selling cars! How great is that?
Now, I shall proceed to the creation of my masterpiece. However, any readers with the very least amount of respect for their own time are advised to stop reading IMMEDIATELY in order to save themselves from the literary disaster that is to follow. Really, I'm not kidding. Only the lowest sort of dull, pathetic, idiot would persevere in thinking that this post is actually going somewhere. If you respect yourself or anything else that is good over the face of this earth, then please, leave now. You have been warned.
Well, continuing with my little "experiment," I have been playing around with this car selling website for a bit, and I must tell you, it's pretty impressive. This magnificent tool, that can be accessed for free on the internet, comes complete with all sorts of wild options for enhancing your car-buying experience. You can search for used cars or new cars, you can search for cars sold near or far away, you can choose the maker, you can choose the model, you can choose the range of prices and the mileage! With such a range of options, I wouldn't be surprised if they let you take your future car out to bar before having to "tie the knot." That is, if drinking and driving wasn't illegal.
In any case, you have to admire such a wonder. Gone are the days when a man would have to take his wife and all the kids along on a never-ending quest from dealer to dealer. This new invention has moved ordinary man another link up the Great Chain of Being. It is the culmination of millennia of human effort, toil, suffering and ingenuity. Now that Cars.com is here, man has finally conquered the car salesman.
On the downside, however, I should mention that this website lacks an adequate interactive interface for making the most of the online relationship between you and a prospective car. I think many users would find a real-time virtual driving tool to be helpful in getting to know the car better before actually setting up a date in the real world. Nevertheless, this website still does a tremendously good job at connecting people all across the nation with cars that they would possibly like to meet.
As a final note, it must be said that with such varied and remarkable features for car buyers, it is surprising that the website's most innovative tool is actually aimed at those working within the field of psychology. Indeed, the website serves as a thoroughly effective tool for identifying people that suffer from low self-esteem and related personality disorders, since only those who self-identify as "the lowest sort of dull, pathetic, idiot" (see above) will consent to reading an opinion piece about Cars.com.
Here at Tremendous Trifles, we would like to cooperate with this noble Cars.com campaign by suggesting the following websites were you may seek help for your condition:
Banish Low Self-esteem Through Handwriting
Self-Confidence
Why Low Self-esteem Makes You Even Dumber
And please remember the wise words of Stuart Smalley: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
posted by ertandberni @ 12:27 PM
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