A Brief Agenda
As a general rule I try to encourage consistency whenever possible. Thus, I have decided to point out something that secularist reformers committed to the separation of Church and State ought to add to their agendas in order to be more effective in their efforts - names of cities. I am deeply disturbed that apparently no one has paid attention to such an offensive reality in the past. Has no one realized how offensive the names of some of our cities are? These names need to be changed for more appropriate ones that do not violate our beloved secular identity. There is no telling what may happen if my suggestions are not heeded and these blatantly offensive and fanatically religious forms of influence are allowed to persist in society. Here is the list:1. Los Angeles, California: I realize that most Americans might not have gotten perfect grades during Spanish class in high school, but come on, this one is just to obvious to ignore! To call one of our most populous and important cities after these strange beings that clearly derive from the Judeo-Christian patriarchal religion and which are closely connected with an outdated black-and-white morality could hardly be more insulting to our open, multi-cultural society. Fortunately, some progress has been made by transforming the city's name to LA, but this is not enough. Who knows what may happen if one day a child decides to ask what those two letters stand for? Let us not dwell long on such dark thoughts, but I will say that I fear such talk may inevitably lead to the G word. For this reason, I suggest re-Christenin... I mean, renaming the city Lots of Actorston; that way, when kids ask, they'll get an answer that sounds logical enough and inquire no further. A tragedy will be averted.
2. Santa Fe, New Mexico: Who was the right-wing fanatic that named this one? Santa Fe means nothing less than Holy Faith - as in, the Holy Faith. What could be more more exclusive or offensive? Next thing you know, the Pope will be running for mayor! This cannot be tolerated within a progressive society like our own. I propose we change the name to Santa's Fair! The switch wouldn't be too dramatic, and it would be great for business. We could turn the entire town into a magical Holiday Land Themepark all year round! And as we know, Santa's really for everyone, so no one need be offended.
3. San Antonio, Texas: One ought to expect something like this from the most backward state in the Union. San Antonio? Give me a break! When will this end? Who thought of the idea of naming cities after "saints," or more accurately, ignorant religious weirdos? The worst part is that there are many saints that go by this name, and by the time some inquisitive person is done finding out about all of them they might well be converted! To think that one of these "Saint Anthonies" was the very founder of Christian monasticism! There is really no telling what could happen. Our malls might suddenly go empty with people going off into the mountains to worship in some strange building. Thousands of boutiques would close and, and... well, its just too horrible to think about. Again, immediate action is needed. Indeed, what we need is an action hero! I propose that, from now on, the city be called Antonio Banderasburg. It would pay tribute to a great actor who has enriched our culture with touching works of art. And it wouldn't be offensive - everyone loves Antonio.
Well, you guys get the idea. All this needs to be done soon. The very deliverance of our State from the grasping claws of the religious-right depends on it.
And now the final question of the night: What would a secularist do if the separation of Church and state were one of the Ten Commandments?
posted by ertandberni @ 11:41 PM
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